Jason

the madness abounds.
sane man in an asylum.
cuckoo clock strikes twice.

you wobbled over to me.
but you didn’t topple.

i saw this once
when you were young.
when you were walking
the first time.

you wobbled but
you weren’t toppled.

you’re a brave soldier
now like you were
a brave soldier then.

to uproot.
to dislodge wisdom.
to take away what has
been given.

is this wise?

what father puts
his son to this test.
i am not abraham.

i am not a vessel
of god’s work.

from my lips to god’s ears.
the cat had his tongue.
his muted response
arrows through my heart.

a piece of flesh
some ivory
now

for a better future.

a dowry paid with your
own blood and sinew.
wedded to a bright
future?

that was the promise.

and if promises were currency
i’d be rich.

questions remain.
was the sacrifice
sufficient?

will it be the end
of suffering.

can we not do better?

can we not do good
without performing ill?

could we honor
hippocrates.

might we never do harm
in order to bring health?

i fear we might be
looked upon by future
offspring.

seen for the barbarians
the butchers we are.

but hard choices are
not kind
not comfortable.

they don’t wear easy
like worn shoes.

the burr gnaws
and grates
and agitates
and we do what we hope is
right.

kindness is always right.

but cruelty
can it
sometimes
be kind?

i beg forgiveness
i ask for understanding
i seek compassion

solace for my soul.

a balm for my bruised
heart.

you wobbled when you
walked towards me.

like you did 15
years ago.

but you didn’t topple
then and you wouldn’t be
toppled now.

my beautiful brave boy
my wounded soldier
what is this war
i have volunteered you for?

have i done right by you?
i have tried to do right by you.

hard choices
they tie my mind in knots
a tangled web of synapses

a maze of untying regrets.